That'a Boy, Hugh!!!

So Hugh Hefner is due to marry his 3rd wife now.  Myyyy man!!! God damn this cat is smooth.  Look at Crystal Harris.  This chick could actually start wars if she wanted and Heff is just sitting there like, "Why I think I still got it.".  These two are an exact 60 years apart in age, also.  Does Hugh even still get it up?  I'm 24 years old and I love staying out until the wee hours getting hammered drunk, usually trying to stand up straight, and watching my lame ass buddies try and pull in snatch.  I can't really see Hugh trolling the bars at 2 in the morning just itching to get back to the pad and lay some pipe.  Good work anyway, Grey Bush.

Kelsey Grammer Wants Quickie Divorce To Remarry

Kelsey Grammer Is an Idiot


http://www.tmz.com/2010/12/27/kelsey-grammer-quickie-divorce-re-marry-camille-grammer-kayte-walsh-bifurcate/


Above is a link to TMZ's website that talks about Kelsey Grammer wanting to get rid of his divorce with Camille Grammer done faster so he can marry his new chick, Kayte Walsh. I don't see what the rush is. Camille is obviously hotter but a little crazy. That Kayte chick doesn't even look remotely cute and kind of has that crazy, possessed look going in the picture provided by TMZ. I would drag this out a little just to see if Kayte really is all there in the head so he doesn't he have to do this run around for a second time with a third wife. Come to think of it-he better not. It's tough enough for me to get chicks to go on second dates let alone wanting to marry me. This greedy son of a bitch should quit his bitching and be glad he is probably getting felated whenever he wants and here I am barely getting my balls tickled.

An Inked Deal

Finally!!! It has happened.  Terrelle Pryor finally got involved in an improper benefits scandal.  Once I saw that TP was going to be a Buckeye I just asked myself, "When will this blue chip fuck up and get caught receiving some cash?".  They all do it.  I am convinced they are all getting paid.  There is just too much money being made by the school and every school has alumni that doesn't care what it will take or cost but they WILL take care of theirs.  It took a little longer than expected, though.  I thought he would've  been busted taking something before his sophomore year.  It's not to say that he didn't, he just didn't get caught until now. 

What I don't get is why out of all the ammenities he probably had access to, why the fuck would Pryor along with the other culprits take free tattoos in exchange for autographed memorbilia?  I mean he couldn't land an ipad or an Armani suit or somthing?  I mean free ink?  That's pretty ridiculous right there.  I bet it was something lame like a football with flames following it with the script "Big Dawg Quarterback" or something stupid like that.  According to the New York Daily News, Terrelle Pryor and Co. didn't know they were in violation of any rules when they sold the merchandise to the tattoo parlor.  Oh, kind of how Cam Newton wasn't aware that his dad was soliciting his son's services for $200k?

The New York Daily News then proceeds to report that these players are permitted to play in the Sugar Bowl because they weren't aware of any violations being done.  Fucking NCAA.  Just bending the rules so they can make their money.  Everyone knows that Bowl game would be a joke if Ohio State played Arkansas with 4 of their top offensive players out of the game.  I don't even know who that fucking Solomon whatever his last name is, but Terrelle Pryor, Devier Posey, Mike Adams, and Boom Herron pretty much is their entire offense.  You take them away and put OSU against ANY SEC team and you're looking at a Varsity team playing a freshmen team.  Who would want to watch that?  Nobody.  Who would want to advertise during that game? Nobody.  Just another reason why these kids are being used as cash cows.  If you're going to make rules then enforce them for everyone.  Not just when it is convienient for your wallet. 

Newfound Hated

If there is anyone I could punt in the tits right now it would have to be Jets head coach Rex Ryan.  This fat shit never tells it how it is.  He won't ever admit when he is wrong, and he is a perverted knob that loves sucking toes.  After his team gets beaten by the Chicago Bears he claims he's going to rest Mark Sanchez because the beaner (I don't hate all Mexicans, just Sanchez) has a sore shoulder.  Just admit it, Rex.  You're "franchise quarterback" sucks and he doesn't want to risk losing to one of the worst teams in the league in the Buffalo Bills. 

I'm pretty disappointed, too.  I actually loved Rex's passion he showed during HBO's "Hard Knocks" when he was convinced he had the best team in the entire NFL.  Then the season actually started and he was reminded of another quarterback in his division named Tom Brady.  You might have heard of him, he has a phenomenal flow atop his head, is banging a super model and has 3 rings to his name.  His squad started tanking towards the end of the season, allegations of his having a foot fetish surfaced, and his QB is playing like shit, errrrr I mean he's got a sore shoulder.  Now he's trying to act all humble because he just snuck into the playoffs and he pretty much has a bye the final week of the regular season.  Maybe if Rexy just treated his tounge like a Krispy Kreme and swallowed it before the Regular Season started then he would be more admired and his team wouldn't be looked at as a bunch of cocky, overpaid, arrogant douche bags that play when they want to and harrass smoking hot sideline reporters. 

Mo Money Mo Problems

YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!  That's right, bitches, your Tuna has returned.  I know it has been too long but I am back to fill your virgin minds with meaningless and irrelevant information/smut that will either make you laugh or absolutely hate my guts.  Let's kick this shit off.

It is that time of the year and I am not talking Christmas, Hanakuh, Kwanza, or whatever other consumer driven holiday your religion might celebrate.  I'm talking College Football Bowl season.  I get so excited when this time of year comes around.  I'm like a little kid who just saw his penis become erect for the first time.  THAT excited.  But before I start blowing my load all over the tv for the next 3 weeks or so we need to tackle one issue that I have had with this College football season.  That issue stands at 6'6 and weighs roughly 245 pounds.  That issue would be Auburn quarterback, Cam Newton. 
This Saturday is the presentation of the most prestigious award in all of College Football, the Heisman Trophy.  Yeah yeah yeah, I know.  Cam Newton put the Auburn Tigers on his back and has single handedly led them to the #1 ranking and a chance to play for the National Championship in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl.  The kid is arguably the best athlete in the country.  What chaps my ass though is how corrupt the NCAA has become the past decade.  Cam Newton's father, Cecil Newton, has been accused of soliciting his son's talents to colleges when he was playing in Junior College a year ago.  Cam had his mind set on transferring to Mississippi State but reneged on his decision because his father was receiving payment, allegedly, from another institution.  Cam ended up at Auburn, tore shit up, and naturally started being accused of these violations. 

Before all of these allegations surfaced, I thought Cam Newton was the best player in College football and I firmly believed he was winning the Heisman.  Aside from Andrew Luck, who I believe is the true Heisman winner now, no one was even close in the running.  The NCAA conducted their investigation and came to the verdict that Cam Newton was ineligible to play the week leading up to the SEC Championship game.  As we all expected, Auburn appealed the decision and Cam Newton was then declared eligible to play against The University of South Carolina.  The NCAA's reasoning behind their change of mind was that Cam Newton wasn't aware that his father was shopping his services to schools.  What a hot crock of shit.  The NCAA pretty much chubby whacked America and College football in the face by saying this.  In an earlier report, a representative from Mississippi State claimed that after Cam Newton made his decision to attend Auburn, he called Miss State and apologized saying he couldn't turn down the Tigers because "The money was too much".  WHAM!  Yep, that was the NCAA's crank leveling you right in the jaw. 

What I don't understand is after the whole Reggie Bush scandal at USC, how does the NCAA and Heisman voters even consider a candidate who comes with all of this baggage?  Look at Stanford quarterback, Andrew Luck.  He has taken a program that was pretty much in College football pergatory and brought them back to prominence.  Andrew Luck is so far, the projected #1 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft.  In my opinion, this cat is the next elite NFL quarterback.  Aside from tearing it up on the gridiron, Luck is excelling in the classroom and serving as a model citizen.  He is everything, in my opinion, the Heisman Trophy should embody.  So one should ask, "What is College football turning into?  Is it an amateur sport or is it slowly becoming one of the largest businesses in the country?".  I would have to say a little bit of both.  If you look at it closely, people are making lots of money off of these amateur athletes (Schools, apparel companies, Cecil Newton, etc.).  I don't have any problem with a person trying to make a buck.  My problem is if all of these schools are making all this money then why can't the players get a taste of some of that cheddar?  Oh because they are getting a free education?  That is bullshit.  I hardly consider Matt Leinart's Basket Weaving 101 course at USC an education.  I mean these coaches who are bringing in these stud players and winning conference championships and Bowl championships are getting significant pay raises.  Why not pay the players that are contributing to this winning?

I am all for a kid going to school and receiving a proper education if they are on scholarship.  But you can't sit here and say that is what really is happening at some of these schools.  Don't get me wrong, some of these student athletes are doing it the proper way (Andrew Luck).  They are taking on a full schedule of legit college courses all while attending practice and then studying not only their playbook but also their text books.  But when you have guys Reggie Bush, Cam Newton, and other blue chip players who are killing 3 years of time while they wait for their first year of pro eligibility to kick in, it just isn't fair for the ones who are taking advantage of their opportunity at hand. 

Your soon-to-be Heisman Trophy Winner's mugshot

Disclaimer:  For anyone who thinks I am going against my journalistic intergrity by writing in favor of Andrew Luck and knocking on Cam Newton, you all are wrong.  I'm a fucking blogger, I wouldn't know journalistic integrity if it took a running start and kicked me square in my ball bag. 

Say Hello to the Bad Guy

With all these "divas" in sports making career changing decisions, all these new stories, er I mean allegations are surfacing that make these stars look like dickheads.  And as bad as it might sound, I love it. 

Age before talent so let's start with good ole' number 4.  Yes, I'm talking about Brett Favre, the old gun slinger.  According to deadspin.com, back when Grandpa Favre was with the New York Jets, he got to know the Jets' sideline reporter, Jenn Sterger.  Jenn Sterger got her claim to fame when she was at a Florida State football game looking hot as hell and then parlayed that to instant internet fame.  Once that geriatric quarterback started taking snaps for the Green Machine, he started snapping pictures of his crank and sending them to Ms. Sterger.  Aside from pictures of the little gun slinger, #4 also snapped photos of himself tugging himself wearing nothing but a pair of Crocks and a wristwatch.  Coincidentally this was the same watch he wore in his retirement ceremony/press conference.  Other than being an indecisive diva, Brett Favre is now dubbed as a perverted old man who wears Crocks.  The part of this story that really cracks me up is the fact that Brett Lorenzo was watching the Super Bowl at his Mississippi home with none other but good ole' Cheetah Woods.  Now I'm not giving the verdict on this one but I am saying something my parents told me all throughout high school when I was getting in trouble.  "You might not have done anything wrong but you are guilty by association.".  Thanks, Mom and Dad. 

Even though I would not like to talk about that Benedict Arnold known as Lebron James, he unfortunately ties into this post.  Allegedly, Lebron was approached by the Tao nightclub in the Venetian casino in Vegas to be the spokesperson for a party.  Ok, an NBA superstar with a shit ton of money partying in Vegas?  Yeah, he's really going to stay out of trouble.  Lebron allegedly while in Vegas was acting like his cocky self, shadow dribbling a basketball through the casino, making absurd requests for panty-less women swinging from the ceiling, and flicking off reporters from his "beloved" hometown of Akron.  Aside from Lebron's Vegas getaway, I have also been informed from my sources that the whole Delonte/Gloria James rumor is a little fabricated.  According to my inside sources, Delonte never slept with Gloria James.  The story I was told was that Lebron initially stuffed Delonte's girlfriend.  Delonte found out so he proceeded to go ahead and sting Lebron's girlfriend.  Woops, I'm sorry.  I don't mean Lebron's official girlfriend, Savannah.  I'm talking about one of Lebron's side girlfriends that he was doing.  Allegedly, after Delonte stung Lebron's side piece of ass, he then put her on the floor for game 5 of the Celtics series.  Confused yet?  Basically, Lebron went after Delonte's chick so Delonte wanted to indirectly say "fuck you" to Lebron by not only tagging one of his girls but then sticking her courtside in a crucial playoff game.  I don't know about you but Delonte is slowly becoming my favorite player in the NBA even though his actions may or may not have caused the Cavs to not make it to the Finals this year.   

So with all these "icons" consistently fucking up and destroying their former squeeky clean images, who does the youth of America turn to for admirtation and guidance?  That is what I find to be comical when guys like David Stern stick up for Lebron when Dan Gilbert grilled him in a letter after he left.  Nothing was untrue in that letter he addressed to the people of Cleveland.  Dan Gilbert is more of a role model than Lebron James is.  Nothing was wrong when the Green Bay Packers' front office decided to let go of Favre.  They were doing what was right for their franchise.  They wanted the face of their franchise to project positive publicity and certainty to their fans.  They weren't going to put up with a diva who, as of lately, takes pictures of his hang down while wearing Crocks and sends them to hot sideline reporters (Allegedly).  What the public needs to realize is that even though an individual is talented on the playing field, they can be a complete schlupp in real life situations.  They think because they can throw a ball 60 yards or score 50 points a night they are above the rules and authority will overlook what they did in real life settings.  No athlete is bigger than the team they are on and they are certainly not bigger than the real role models in our world.  So say good bye to your former icons and hello to the new bad guys. 



Fuck Lebron.

Show Me The Money

One of the few things I will never understand in the NFL is how all these top draft picks are getting paid obscene amounts of money before they even take a professional snap.  With training camps beginning and all of these players signing their rookie contracts, I am blown away by the kind of jack these franchises are dishing out to these kids. 

Take Sam Bradford for example.  The former Oklahoma Sooner just inked an $80 million deal over 6 years with $50 million of that guaranteed.  Dude can blow his knee out tomorrow, never play a down in the NFL, and crutch his gimp ass all the way to the bank.  Sam Bradford did win a Heisman trophy and was the starting quarterback on a perennial national championship contender the past 1 1/2 years.  I say 1/2 because he got injured half way through the season.  He has a surgically repaired shoulder that can go at any given sack he takes.  On the other hand, Sam Bradford could light it up his rookie season, lead the pathetic excuse for a franchise known as the St. Louis Rams to the playoffs, and earn Offensive Rookie of the Year.  Sam Bradford could go on and have a Peyton Manning career with 5 MVP's, a few Super Bowl rings, and a super-model wife (ok, that's a little more Tom Brady than Manning but fuck Michigan).  Just because he torched college teams for 400 passing yards and 3 touchdowns back in school doesn't mean he can do that against professional defensive backs.  History also can speak loudly about the first overall pick being used on quarterbacks.  What's Tim Couch, Ryan Leaf, and Jamarcus Russell doing right now besides counting their whopping signing bonuses?

What's funny about these rookies getting paid is the fact that you have all these veterans who are holding out of training camp because they want a new deal.  These players feel they have outplayed their rookie deals and decide to hold out from their team's training camp.  Seventh overall pick Joe Haden just signed his 5 year $50 million contract with $26 million of that guaranteed.  Before the weekend, Nnamdi Asomugha was the highest paid cornerback in the league.  Now, $50 million later, Joe Haden can hold that title.  Without even taking an NFL snap.  Derrelle Revis who was drafted in 2007 by the New York Jets at number 14 signed a rookie deal of $30 million with $11 million of that guaranteed over 6 years.  Now, Joe Haden was picked at number 7 and the rookie pay scale is gradually increasing every year but the Browns' rookie is almost making double of what Revis signed for.  Revis has only played 3 seasons in the pros but he has shown that he will be a stud in this league for the next 5-8 years.  Joe Haden started playing cornerback in college.  Haden was a high school quarterback so he is still learning the position.  Joe Haden was such a freak of an athlete that he was bound to tear it up in college.  College teams win because they usually possess players with speed and an abundance of athleticism.  That doesn't work in the pros.  You need football players if you're trying to win on the professional level.  You need a smart player who understands every aspect of the game.  I'm not writing off Joe Haden but you need the kid to step in and start playing right away, not learn the position.  That is where all of Revis' leverage should be coming from when he meets with General Manager Mike Tannenbaum.  He should say, "Look, this scrub just got $50 million before even taking an NFL snap.  I am an All-Pro and many experts call me the best corner in the game.  Fuck you, pay me.".  Or something along those lines. 

Lastly, do not be shocked when you see these rookies getting into a little bit of trouble.  If you were 21 or 22 and just signed a contract for millions of dollars and probably making a few more mil in endorsements, would you be having a little fun?  Yeah, me too.  I would be on the first thing smoking to Vegas, shack up in Villa, hit every club, gamble my Gatorade endorsement away, and drink my face off.  I'm talking hookers, yachts, choppers, Phantoms all on the regular.  These kids see all those zeroes on their deal and they feel like they're the king.  After they scratch their agent a commish check they are going straight to the Mercedes dealer and picking up the new S 550 and throwing some D's on that bitch.  So a message to all of these GM's, show your playmakers the money.