Sunday, April 11, 2010

Can I Get A Spot, Bro?

These guys are some of the worse human beings on the planet. I don't use the word "hate" often but I HATE these guys. I strongly dislike gym guy, but I HATE wanna-be gym guy. I know if my buddy Matt reads this he might try and tear my arms off, beat the hell out of me with them, then eat my torso because it's high in protein. Anyways, on to gym guy. Jim Rome hit it on the head when he described gym guy on his radio show. If you want a better idea, go to youtube and type in "Jim Rome-Gym Guy". If not, gym guy is basically the guy you see at the gym who is straight cock diesel, can't even turn around to wipe his own ass because his arms are too yoked, and thinks he runs the joint. Gym guy will yell/scream/grunt/breathe heavily or loudly during his workouts just so everyone in the free weight area can know how hard they are "training". Yes, gym guy doesn't work out, he trains. Don't bother asking gym guy for a spot either, he's too "in the zone". Oh, and once you get off that chest press machine you were using, gym guy automatically hops on and makes sure you see him tack on about 100 more pounds. Of course, that's after he sat there and stared at you until you were done with your sets. Come to think of it, I HATE gym guy, too.

Now on to wanna-be gym guy. Wanna-be gym guy is that dude you see in the gym who is rocking the color coordinated get up, probably has some type of protein concoction mixed up in the $20 container he purchased at GNC, and gloves/straps so he can grip those 40 lb dumb bells better. If you say to yourself,"But Tuna, there are lots of douche bags like this at my gym. How do I know that they are wanna-be gym guy?". You'll know because that knob hasn't left you alone for the past 15 minutes. Wanna-be gym guy will pester you about the work out you're doing, what muscles it works, and where you learned it from. The guy never works out when he's in the gym. He continues to talk to any guy who will give him a minute and then once he realizes that you will drop a 45 lb plate on his foot if he doesn't leave you alone, he goes onto to his next victim. The best is when you get a chick in there and he's trying to show off to her either by grunting during his work outs (after he has already talked to every dude in the place. twice.) or showing her how she can improve her technique. Oh yeah, and if you see wanna-be gym guy walking your way in the locker room or if you see him in the sauna, do not make eye contact. Wanna-be gym guy then turns into locker room guy. I will touch on locker room guy at a later time but let's just say locker room guy can get a little weird.

Don't get me wrong, I support any person who wants to get in the gym even if they might not be in the best of shape. I applaude the people who actually work hard to get into shape for themselves, not so everyone knows they go to the gym on a daily basis. Wanna-be gym guy, I don't support you. I am against everything and anything you stand for and I think you should soak in that protein based shake you're drinking and allow a colony of fire ants to feast on your cellulite infested joke of a body. You're no model of fitness. You are just a model for people who do not want to be douche bags. Do us all a favor and stop talking to us while we're working out and put on some sleeves occasionally. Get a life, freak.

1 comment: