Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Mid-Life Crisis? More Like Mid-Life Tragedy

Every man can agree with me that there is nothing like a good cougar. The way they hunt their prey and then pounce at any given moment. It's a beautiful thing. For those who have been living under a rock the last decade, a cougar is a middle aged woman, usually attractive and single, who goes after younger guys, preferably in their 20's. Im pretty sure all men can agree with me that there is nothing worse than a hyena. A hyena basically fits the same criteria as a cougar minus the attractive part. Hyenas can usually be found in hole in the wall bars, pounding bud heavies, and wearing some outfit that is truly unflattering. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

What really chafes my ass is that when a hyena approaches a cub (younger guy who is the prey of cougars/hyenas), they get offended when we act like we wouldn't even drain our wires on them if they were on fire. It cracks me up because cougars usually don't have to approach their prey. They will undress a guy with their eyes but after that, their work is done. They know they have captured their prey. Hyenas will usually stumble over to you, probably spill their drink on your all whites, and then slur something that makes you look at your buddy and say "Is this throw-away being serious?". I can understand a woman's built up sexual tension but hyenas do not know how to vent it out. Instead, they make everyone in the bar know they are a horny drunk but now they are making you guilty by association. My only advice to you fellow cubs out there. When you see a hyena, buy her another jack and coke and pray she gets so drunk that the guy working the door has to escort her out.

I know it's a fantasy for a lot of younger males to hook up with an older woman. Trust me, I've been there. But all I can suggest is this. Save your pride and raise your standards. Even though she might be an older woman, she is still a hyena and hyenas will eat you alive. Don't even make eye contact and if you do, go straight for the jack and coke move and pray she sniffs out other cubs. Good luck and god's speed my fellow cubs.

1 comment:

  1. "Even though she might be an older woman, she is still a hyena and hyenas will eat you alive. " haha hilarious