Friday, April 9, 2010

Will the Fake Slim Shady Please Sit Down

We've all seen them. That guy at the bar who's rocking the hideous, flat brimmed Cleveland Indians hat with the sticker still on it, the triple XL white tee, and the Roca Wear jeans that are hanging half way down their ass. Yes people, I am talking about those "wiggers". Don't get me wrong, I love hip hop. I was raised in a time where hip hop was just taking off and more and more people are beginning to listen to it, but now you are starting to see these posers who think just because they listen to hip hop they have to "live" hip hop. When I say "living hip hop" I mean these cracker jacks who walk into places like they already have a platinum album. I will bet that if you walked up to any of these slim shadys and asked them to spit a rhyme for you, they would provide you with one of the greatest laughs of your life.

You can't put all the blame on these kids though. Growing up, they probably couldn't find a hobby or sport to get into so they just began to listen to hip hop 24/7. Having a passion for music is one thing, but listening to an artist because he talks about "gettin money" and "drivin foreign cars" would not be considered as a passion. When a person listens to bad hip hop, that's all they get out of it. It's usually the rappers who don't have fleets of foreign cars or mansions that are actually rapping about them. You look at Jay-Z for example. Jay-Z's rhymes are more than talking about money and "hoes". Jay-Z raps about how he is a CEO of one the largest record labels in the world. Jay-Z raps about what the public already knows about. His $150 million dollar tour he signed onto. Jay-Z raps about the "baddest chick in the game wearing his chain" (which is a real diamond encrusted chain) in Beyonce. You see Jay-Z and he is either rocking a suit or wearing a nice pair of jeans with a nice button down. He doesn't need to drape himself in jewels from head to toe, because everyone knows he could if he wanted to.

What I'm trying to get at is this. If you got it, there's no need to flaunt it. And the guys who don't got it, try to flaunt it. I'm not trying to knock on these platinum artist-wannabe-gangsta-losers. I'm just helping them out. Save yourself the money, and embarrassment, and buy a Timex instead of that fake diamond Rolex (or is it Rolecks?) that is missing a few rocks. You can't carry a beat or spit a rhyme, so don't try. Instead, buy a nice suit from Men's Warehouse, fill out a job application that won't require you to ask if a person wants to super size their meals and take advantage of your potential. I know that if one of these "wiggers" did read this they would probably threaten to "put a cap in my ass" but again, that comes with the whole "gangsta" persona. But like I say for my blogs, I always accept constructive criticism and maybe some of you snowflakes should follow suit. If not, then I have one thing to say to you. Will the fake slim shady please sit down.

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